January 2012
5 posts
29 tags
Andrews Sisters Break Racial Barriers
I find this movie so progressive because it doesn’t depict black people as tap dancers. The Andrews Sisters were so ahead of their time. Their song “Mammies lil babies love shortnin’ bread” was a protest song.
17 tags
“Shamwow should make maxipads.”
– Awkward Suzie
22 tags
22 tags
25 tags
December 2011
20 posts
21 tags
Breaking the Seal
i hope that cop doesn’t have a pee fetish. copward.
22 tags
Tiny Ohio Penis
JEEPER CREEPER MERYL STREEPER CREEPER!
i think this says more about the surveyor than the surveyed.
15 tags
my deepest, darkest growing pains (part 5)
this is basic biology, people
24 tags
He & Him spin off band a no-go
zooey deschanel can suck it
23 tags
creepiest front door
i bet that’s the house that gives whole granny smith apples on halloween
22 tags
my deepest, darkest growing pain (part 4)
boy, is it hard to find men these days.
23 tags
Subliminal Messageggs
“lightly touched with cumin” — Jimmy
27 tags
Occupy Gracie Mansion
when I don’t wear my glasses, this is what he looks like
22 tags
Who's the Dummy?
I hate optical illusions.
24 tags
What I Did During the Movie "Valentine's Day"
and I don’t mean graffiti.
22 tags
Two gay men fighting
Tales of a Drunken Bar Fight
Drunk girl: you asked me to have sex in the bathroom?!
Drunk boy: You showed me your boobs.
Drunk girl: I was drunk. I don't remember that.
Drunk boy: we had sex twice.
Drunk girl. Oh. Heh.
(*cockward*)
November 2011
41 posts
“If you asked people what band they associated with Harry Potter, Radiohead...”
– Daniel Radcliffe
Hey Dan. Could we like, idk, hang out or something. Could we. Could we. Because we should hang out. And listen to Radiohead. Actually, actually, let’s go see Radiohead together. Can we. Can we. Because I think you’re the only person who would equally spaz out as much over them as...
26 tags
Ask Suzie: FLEA MARKETS!
Dear Suzie –
Brace yourself for this doozy. Recently, my mom dragged me to a flea market in New Antediluvia Hills so she could buy some toilet paper covers for the guest bathroom. Well, my mom and flea markets go together like Laverne and Shirley, believe you me. Well, lo-and-behold, my mom passes out in the middle of the Faberge egg department and an employee pawned her off to a man in a white...
18 tags
Ohio task force wants to ban ownership of exotic... →
Looks like I have to give this up:
26 tags
Really, MSN?
No words. And apparently, neither does she.
12 tags
my deepest, darkest growing pains (part 3)
shesmovingupslowly:
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if your German friend is choking to death or laughing.
The Two Most Popular Girls in Skewl
Lacey: Do you think this push-up bra is doing its job?
Jenna: Yes, but just give it the day off.
Suzie: Why do "they" get to wear lace front wigs and I have to keep my hair in curlers... The lap of gods, I guess.
18 tags
The Things I'd Do To You Platonically, Alex and...
jaseyraeriot:
Fan guy: HEY ALEX I AM GOING TO TAKE YOU TO MY BASEMENT AND KEEP YOU THERE FOREVER!! Alex: Congratulations dude that is the weirdest thing anyone has ever said to me Short pause because screaming girls Alex:Hey, did you hear what he just said? He was like Hey Alex, without skipping a beat, I’m going to take you to my basement and keep you there forever. Audience: OoooHHhh ...
30 tags
I Made the Newspaper!
i’m such a moral compass for our community
30 tags
A ella le gusta la cocaina!
From this ad, it also seems like too much cocaine can lead to heart attacks. STOP THIS MIXED MESSAGING!
30 tags
Jews and Their Ice Cream
“Blackberry Manischewitz.”lets hope its kosher. and doesn’t make you vomit while playing ‘7 minutes in Heaven’ in the basement of your Aunt Bubbies house in the 8th grade.
30 tags
Who's Afraid of Victoria Secret?
This is like Where’s Waldo of ‘terrible advertising campaign’
(1) The fabric this was printed on makes her look like she has cellulite
(2) Her head looks like it was overnighted by FedEx and screwed on that morning
(3) Whoever did her hair found their inspiration in those online make-over sites where you post a picture of yourself and superimpose a series of garrish...
30 tags
Why So Serious
What I’M waiting for is for this kid to stop smiling or for the head of PR to stop photoshopping children’s faces on Public Service Announcements.
20 tags
Terrorism or Forgetfulness?
you’re right. it’s never that obvious. whenever i forget shit, i could only wish the stuff i left behind was large enough to be furniture in Blue’s Clues.
…oh wait, sorry, I just realized what this ad is about.
Snawkward.
25 tags
Creeper Park
this might as well say “closed during raping hours.”
20 tags
Parking Meter Bathrooms
since when did bathrooms become like parking meters. where’s the “10 minutes free” button!? you can’t have it both ways, parking meter bathrooms.
30 tags
watch out, george glass
ive never had jungle fever. except that one time i had to look for my kidnapped mom in hawaii.
29 tags
traffic light for the physically impaired
how much leeway does one person need to cross a street 24 feet long?! 54 seconds?! SUZIE
30 tags
i'll never graduate college
—of the school of stenography. i cant get past the short hand section. i barely passed the ambidextrous section by the seat of my pants
29 tags
Occupy Scientologists
occupy 7th day adventists… or scientologists. they’re the 1% right?
30 tags
why i dont believe god is gay
god can’t be gay. how could he have the time to work out that much with all the shit he has to fuck up in different universes. god is definitely fat.
20 tags
it's not true what they say about black...
bikram yoga!! integration isn’t so bad guys.